What “Never Enough” Gets Right About What’s Missing in Education

If you work in education, or you’re raising a child in the modern world, you’ve likely felt it: the quiet, relentless hum of not enough.

Not smart enough. Not competitive enough. Not impressive enough.And here’s the kicker: even when kids hit the mark, the goalpost moves.

In her book Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic, and What We Can Do About It, Jennifer Breheny Wallace lays out what many of us have suspected for years: we’ve built a system where performance has become the currency of worth, and the results are deeply damaging.

What follows is not just a critique of modern schooling or parenting. It’s a call to re-evaluate what we define as “success” and why our current metrics are failing kids.

Here are 10 takeaways from the book, and exactly how each one screams for one thing: Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) isn’t a luxury. It’s the missing piece.

1. Achievement culture is harming mental health.

Today's kids are burned out before they get to the workforce. That’s not a rite of passage; it’s a warning sign. SEL gives them the tools to process pressure and regulate stress before it becomes chronic.

2. Self-worth should not be based on performance.

When children tie their value to achievement, failure feels like erasure. SEL teaches identity beyond results, I am worthy because I am, not just because I did.

3. Parents and educators unintentionally fuel the pressure.

Well-meaning praise can sometimes reinforce the idea that love is earned. SEL helps adults model better messages and helps kids decode them.

(Also: if you’re a high-achiever who’s ever said “I’m proud of you” only after a grade, we’re not judging. But we are saying… maybe rethink it.)

4. Belonging is more powerful than achievement.

Connection trumps credentials. SEL builds classrooms where kids feel seen, heard, and emotionally safe, regardless of their report card.

5. Connection protects mental health.

This isn’t touchy-feely fluff. The research is overwhelming: Strong relationships are the most reliable predictor of long-term well-being. SEL puts relationships front and center, where they belong.

6. Kids mirror adult behavior.

Stressed teacher? (We can help you)

Overworked parent?

You’re setting the tone.

SEL isn’t just for kids; it also helps adults check their emotional mirrors.

7. Gratitude and purpose reduce stress.

The shocking twist is that meaning matters. SEL programs that include service, reflection, and purpose-building aren’t just cute add-ons; they build real psychological resilience.

8. It’s okay to prioritize emotional safety over excellence.

In fact, it’s necessary. A child who feels safe learns better, connects more deeply, and grows into an adult who’s not driven purely by fear.

(Let’s be honest, aren’t we all still unlearning the idea that we’re only as good as our output?)

9. Resilience grows from failure, not avoidance.

SEL helps students face difficulty without falling apart. It doesn’t remove challenges, it builds capacity to meet them.

10. We need a cultural shift, not just personal change.

This is the big one. We can’t fix a systemic problem with one-off strategies. Making SEL a core subject, alongside math and reading, isn’t a radical idea. It’s the minimum viable upgrade if we want education to truly serve the whole child.

The Bottom Line

Information is everywhere.

Academic rigor still matters. But it’s no longer what sets students apart. How they show up in the world, that’s the edge.

And that comes from social and emotional intelligence, not test scores. So no, SEL is not extra, it’s not soft, and it’s not just for the “sensitive” kids. It’s where true education begins.

Let's chat over virtual coffee and show you how easy SEL can be!